Saturday, October 12, 2013

Always Learning

This month marks 18 years that Nathan and I have been together. We started dating at the beginning of our senior year of high school. In December we will celebrate 13 years of marriage. 

I can definitely say that I love my husband more now than I ever have. He is my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, my filter. He sharpens me, challenges me, he makes me laugh, and he loves my babies. 

There is not a more perfect soul on this earth to be my match. 

And please don't tell him that I said this, but he is almost always right. He's wise. So I usually listen. 

Except this year I chose not to listen.

Last year in the middle of selling my August line of Day Planners I kind of had a meltdown and decided that I just couldn't keep up the pace that I had been operating at trying to run my business and care for my family. I decided not to do my January line.  It was a break I desperately needed. 

Only Nathan didn't want it to be a break. He wanted me to be done. My business had taken a toll on our family, and he said it was time to move on. 

But I wasn't ready to completely let go. So I came up with this brilliant plan to outsource my printing and keep the line going. 

He didn't like the plan. Not one bit. But I'm stubborn and feisty... so I did it anyway.

Then I wanted to do a January line because I had enough supplies {tabs, stickers, bookmarks, packaging materials} to do it, and I didn't want all that to go to waste. 

He didn't like it. Not even a little. But I opened my shop anyway. 

I have learned in our marriage that God often speaks to me through Nathan. I believe strongly that Nathan is called to be the head of our household, and because I know that he is a man that seeks God's will, I follow his lead in trust. Usually. 

This time I chose not to. I opened my shop and took orders for the January line despite Nathan's dissatisfaction with that plan. 

And then yesterday I woke up with the realization that I had made a huge mistake. 

Number one, I didn't sell very many planners. Not nearly as many as I expected to sell.  Which means that I would have to do A WHOLE LOT OF WORK for VERY LITTLE profit. Number two, we are about to get a baby. What was I thinking???  It's possible that we could get a baby before I could even get the planners back from the printer.  And then what?  Who is going to fill my orders?  Do I really want to bring home a baby and be stressing about getting orders filled??? Number three, I was DREADING doing the work that needed to be done. There is nothing fun left in my business. When your creative outlet becomes a burden... it's no longer an outlet. 

So at the risk of maybe making some people mad, and most certainly looking like an idiot, I decided to finally walk away from my business for good. I've been slowly and painfully pulling at that bandaid that should have been ripped off last Fall. 

I spent the last 24 hours canceling and refunding 137 orders. It was a bittersweet feeling, canceling those orders. As I went through the list of names, many of whom have loved and supported my business for several years, I prayed blessings over every single customer. I thanked the Lord for using this business to connect me with some amazing women who have blessed my life in so many ways. 

And then it was done. And I can't take it back. And I don't want to. 

And I am learning again why I should let my husband lead me. And I am grateful that he loves me even when I forget. 

And an era is over. And I am no longer a small business owner. 


  1. Emmy,

    I can almost hear an audible sigh of relief through your post. Good for you for doing this - we all have phases in our lives and for now this one is finished. Sounds like it was a job well done and it is time for your next adventure! Cannot wait to read about it.


  2. I ordered...and I read the cancellation while in the car with my hubby on a date for his birthday. I read it TO HIM and cried and prayed for you! I was disappointed because - AWESOME! - but I totally get it and am here to support you in prayer!!! XOXO

  3. I am SO happy for you Emmy! As a small business owner from my home and mama to 4 I would be lying if I didn't say i have days OFTEN like this. When a tutu takes me 5 hours of hand can be grueling! I agree...listen to your husband. God designed them to take the lead for a reason. I am SO very proud of you my dear sweet friend! Sad...I never got my hands on one of your masterpieces but very VERY proud of you! Great job mama!!

  4. God is so good to give us kind and wise husbands! Thank you for sharing your heart!

  5. Emmy.

    It was comforting reading this post. I feel the same towards my husband & often resist when he says what's best. It's so true, God really knows what he's doing. He's provided us with men..strong & encouraging men. Thanks for sharing your heart.

  6. I think that this is a great lesson. Sometimes we fail to listen. Sometimes we hear, but choose to ignore. I think it's an incredibly hard thing to do what God calls us to do - when it's not necessarily what WE want to do. You are quite courageous!