Saturday, October 12, 2013

Always Learning

This month marks 18 years that Nathan and I have been together. We started dating at the beginning of our senior year of high school. In December we will celebrate 13 years of marriage. 

I can definitely say that I love my husband more now than I ever have. He is my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, my filter. He sharpens me, challenges me, he makes me laugh, and he loves my babies. 

There is not a more perfect soul on this earth to be my match. 

And please don't tell him that I said this, but he is almost always right. He's wise. So I usually listen. 

Except this year I chose not to listen.

Last year in the middle of selling my August line of Day Planners I kind of had a meltdown and decided that I just couldn't keep up the pace that I had been operating at trying to run my business and care for my family. I decided not to do my January line.  It was a break I desperately needed. 

Only Nathan didn't want it to be a break. He wanted me to be done. My business had taken a toll on our family, and he said it was time to move on. 

But I wasn't ready to completely let go. So I came up with this brilliant plan to outsource my printing and keep the line going. 

He didn't like the plan. Not one bit. But I'm stubborn and feisty... so I did it anyway.

Then I wanted to do a January line because I had enough supplies {tabs, stickers, bookmarks, packaging materials} to do it, and I didn't want all that to go to waste. 

He didn't like it. Not even a little. But I opened my shop anyway. 

I have learned in our marriage that God often speaks to me through Nathan. I believe strongly that Nathan is called to be the head of our household, and because I know that he is a man that seeks God's will, I follow his lead in trust. Usually. 

This time I chose not to. I opened my shop and took orders for the January line despite Nathan's dissatisfaction with that plan. 

And then yesterday I woke up with the realization that I had made a huge mistake. 

Number one, I didn't sell very many planners. Not nearly as many as I expected to sell.  Which means that I would have to do A WHOLE LOT OF WORK for VERY LITTLE profit. Number two, we are about to get a baby. What was I thinking???  It's possible that we could get a baby before I could even get the planners back from the printer.  And then what?  Who is going to fill my orders?  Do I really want to bring home a baby and be stressing about getting orders filled??? Number three, I was DREADING doing the work that needed to be done. There is nothing fun left in my business. When your creative outlet becomes a burden... it's no longer an outlet. 

So at the risk of maybe making some people mad, and most certainly looking like an idiot, I decided to finally walk away from my business for good. I've been slowly and painfully pulling at that bandaid that should have been ripped off last Fall. 

I spent the last 24 hours canceling and refunding 137 orders. It was a bittersweet feeling, canceling those orders. As I went through the list of names, many of whom have loved and supported my business for several years, I prayed blessings over every single customer. I thanked the Lord for using this business to connect me with some amazing women who have blessed my life in so many ways. 

And then it was done. And I can't take it back. And I don't want to. 

And I am learning again why I should let my husband lead me. And I am grateful that he loves me even when I forget. 

And an era is over. And I am no longer a small business owner. 


6 comments:

  1. Emmy,

    I can almost hear an audible sigh of relief through your post. Good for you for doing this - we all have phases in our lives and for now this one is finished. Sounds like it was a job well done and it is time for your next adventure! Cannot wait to read about it.

    Sue

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  2. I ordered...and I read the cancellation while in the car with my hubby on a date for his birthday. I read it TO HIM and cried and prayed for you! I was disappointed because - AWESOME! - but I totally get it and am here to support you in prayer!!! XOXO

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  3. I am SO happy for you Emmy! As a small business owner from my home and mama to 4 I would be lying if I didn't say i have days OFTEN like this. When a tutu takes me 5 hours of hand sewing...it can be grueling! I agree...listen to your husband. God designed them to take the lead for a reason. I am SO very proud of you my dear sweet friend! Sad...I never got my hands on one of your masterpieces but very VERY proud of you! Great job mama!!

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  4. God is so good to give us kind and wise husbands! Thank you for sharing your heart!

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  5. Emmy.

    It was comforting reading this post. I feel the same towards my husband & often resist when he says what's best. It's so true, God really knows what he's doing. He's provided us with men..strong & encouraging men. Thanks for sharing your heart.

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  6. I think that this is a great lesson. Sometimes we fail to listen. Sometimes we hear, but choose to ignore. I think it's an incredibly hard thing to do what God calls us to do - when it's not necessarily what WE want to do. You are quite courageous!

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