Saturday, February 01, 2014

Sometimes I Suck

Do any of you have that person in your life that you should be an example to, but somehow they always seem to see the ugliest side of you?

There is a young woman in my life that I feel this way about. 

I have known her family my whole life. And a few years ago she came into my daily life. She became like a little sister to me, and I was enjoying pouring into her life. 

But then something happened. We had a falling out. And while we both had some responsibility in what happened, the truth is that the WAY it happened was my fault. I let things fester, and then in a moment of very intense stress I took it all out on her and threw a year's worth of frustration in her face. 

I was the older one. I should have been able to handle it better. And I didn't. I failed. And I went from seeing her often to not seeing her much at all. 

And while things have been fine between us, it has never been the same. I blew it for being a person she looked up to. 

And then last week I blew it again. 

I made a comment on Instagram in a moment of frustration {there is clearly a pattern there, I should really learn to shut my mouth in times of frustration} that threw her under the bus. And I really didn't mean to, but in looking back at it, it totally did. 

And she, the much younger {supposedly much less mature} woman wrote me a very nice, very mature email calling me out. 

And all I could think was... dang it!  I suck. 

So why is it that sometimes with the relationships that matter most, we fail most?  

I feel like this friend has seen my ugliest character traits. And when I think about what she must think of me... it's not good. And it makes me feel like all the people who think I'm great are wrong, and she, who knows the "real" me, must think I'm such a fony baloney. 

But you know what that is?  It's Satan trying to tell me that I'm not good enough. Because {as my pastor always says} the only thing that is true about me is what God says is true. 

So what does God say is true about me?

I am a sinner in need of a Savior. 
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23

I am called to love. 
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

Nothing I can do will change the way God feels about me. 
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" Ephesians 2:8

So how does all this apply to the situation with my friend?  The truth is that we all fall short of being who God wants us to be. But He loves us anyway. And that's how we are called to treat others. To love them anyway, despite the fact that they fall short of our expectations. 

And so here's what I can do:
Ask for her forgiveness. 
Pray that she is willing to give it. 
But know that even if she doesn't, I am still called to love her and be an example to her. 

So I will just keep trying to do better and be more Christ-like the next time. 

And you know what I find {because unfortunately this isn't the first time I have been in the situation of letting someone down}, when you humble yourself, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness... it is usually given. But even if it's not, you have just won victory over Satan who would like your guilt to fester inside of you and perpetuate the ugly. 

This morning I am praying that my friend will forgive me, that God will give her the ability to see past my ugliness and have a renewed love for me that is unhuman {I know that's not really a word, but it's the most accurate way to say it... being able to forgive others who hurt us really is not a human trait}, and that she will allow me to try again to be better at being her friend.  

Is there someone from whom you need to ask forgiveness?  Does someone in your life need you to forgive them {even if they haven't asked you to}?  Do it today.  Don't let it fester.  Don't let Satan continue to claim victory.  Let others know that you are His disciple by the way you love.


  1. Thank you SO much for posting this!!! I ran into some people last night that think I'm horrible- despite me asking for forgiveness, and its so frustrating. But I know its just Satan trying to have a hold on me. That is a reason to let it go, because God has! I really appreciate this, I so needed to read this today!! ♥ Jackie

  2. Praying for healing, because I know how much you care about this sweet girl!!! God is most strong in our weaknesses, Emmy! Your transparency will be used by Him. I'm so glad you understand that our battle is not against flesh and blood! I love you!

  3. I need to forgive someone - even though they haven't asked it and probably don't think they need to to be forgiven. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things - especially when someone has hurt us to the core.

  4. Thank you I really need to here that. I've been having harsh feelings towards my in-laws and even though they don't know I do cause I'm the type to keep it in and only show how I feel. I know everyone deserves grace and mercy cause I'm no peach and Christ called us to be the light of the world and show his love! Thank you again how it is part of our discipleship to forgive and to love one another!!!